The Pain of Suicide

By Kelly Urbon*, MA

 

Imagine feeling trapped in a world of emotional and psychological pain from which there seems to be no release. Or imagine watching your life deteriorate due to an alcohol or drug addiction as relationships, health and career crumble around you. Many individuals who attempt suicide do so because they are in those types of situations. They feel psychologically hopeless, desperate for relief, often believing that their friends and family will be better off if they are no longer around to be a burden. Now imagine being a person who is grieving the death of a close friend or family member. But instead of being able to talk openly about the death so that you can receive the support traditionally offered to those who are grieving, you somehow feel ashamed, because the person you lost died by suicide and you wonder if you were somehow to blame. These are the two sides of suicide.

 

Tragically, according to the latest Center for Disease Control figures, over 30,000 individuals lose their lives to suicide in the United States every year. Although we might naturally assume that suicide rates are highest around the holidays, spring is actually the season when the greatest numbers of individuals take their lives. Statistical surveys indicate that women attempt suicide more often than men, roughly three times as often. But men have a higher rate of completed suicides, largely due to the fact that they tend to use more lethal methods. Among those age 24 and younger, suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death. A little known fact is that the highest risk group of all is men over the age of 65. In fact, white men over the age of 50 make up only 25% of the population, but they account for 40% of all suicides. This group is particularly at risk after they experience a significant loss, for example the death of a spouse, or after they are diagnosed with a serious illness.

 

No one knows for sure what causes people to commit suicide, but looking back into the lives of those who die this way, it appears that about 90% had diagnosable and treatable mental health illnesses. Depression and substance abuse are the issues most strongly linked to suicide. According to Dr. Paula Clayton, medical director of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention there are some warning signs to look for that may precede a suicide attempt. Pay attention to changes in normal behavior, loss of interest in previously— enjoyed activities, not getting up, loss of energy, giving away prized possessions, purchasing materials needed to commit suicide, and starting or intensifying risky behavior (such as abuse of drugs and alcohol). Other risk factors include intense feelings of isolation and hopelessness, having made a previous suicide attempt, and/or having a family member that committed suicide.

 

For family members and friends, it is extremely important to remember that not all risk factors can be clearly seen. This is important because some survivors will blame themselves, going over and over the last days or weeks with their loved one, looking for clues that may have indicated the person's intention. But individuals may hide their symptoms for a number of reasons, so they are not always easy to see. In addition, it is important to remember that tens of thousands of individuals have the same symptoms and feelings every day, yet they don't all attempt suicide. Some of the most important research into suicidal behavior is attempting to learn more about this difference, termed a "resiliency" factor. Given very similar feelings, stressors and life circumstances, why does one individual choose suicide as an option, when so many others do not?

 

If you suspect that someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, don't be afraid to ask the question specifically. You cannot "put the idea into someone's head". If you are wrong about your suspicions, the individual will simply tell you that you are off base. If you are correct, however, you have opened a door giving the individual a chance to talk about the burdensome feelings of hopelessness and pain they are experiencing. Encourage behaviors that would lead your friend to get professional help. Offer to make a phone call on their behalf. Many people who got help say that they did so because someone in their life encouraged them to check out available resources, and that they might not have done so otherwise. In addition to setting up an appointment with a counselor, you might also consider helping the person make an appointment with a trusted physician. Since there are a number of treatable medical conditions that can cause the symptoms of depression associated with suicidal thinking, these should be investigated and ruled out. In addition, a doctor can talk to you about the many medications available to alleviate overwhelming feelings of depression or anxiety.

 

There is help for those on both sides of the suicide picture, those who are struggling with suicidal thoughts, as well as those who have suffered the loss of someone by suicide. DonÕt be afraid to seek the help that can begin to alleviate the suffering.

 

Available Resources

If you need to talk, please call:


800—273—TALK          The National Suicide Lifeline, or


630—482—9696          Suicide Prevention Services, Batavia, IL

 

For support for those who have lost loved ones to suicide:


630—482—9699          Survivors of Suicide, Batavia, IL

 

For additional information:


Suicide Prevention Action Network


American Foundation for Suicide Prevention


For additional reading:


Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide By Kay Redfield Jamison, an internationally recognized authority on depressive illness and their treatment.

 

Kelly sees clients in the Yorkville office*

The Yorkville office supports Yorkville, Oswego and surrounding areas.

 

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